|—||Marc Hack (via fawun)|
|—||Mandy Hale (via ittybitty-world)|
I guess since tumblr isn’t as main stream anymore, maybe it’s a good time to go back to using it for it’s purpose. There are just so much bottled up inside that you can feel comfortable venting some of them to your close friends or family… of course… but it comes to a point where they would get sick of hearing the same problems just with a little more updated information. Because a problem is bad in general, its connotation to its direct meaning; everyday it may get worse or it can get a bit better, but it still will be negative. After a person gets the acknowledgement that you have a problem and knows about it, hearing different examples about how it’s still bad becomes stale after a while.
Enough beating around the bush, what I am talking about is my relationship problems and my car issue. Car issue, yess it’s bad but it’s not the main issue that bothers me everyday. My main issue is the relationship problems… I know myself pretty well, not only because I make the decisions and whatnot, but because I tend to have a pattern of actions and my moves are pretty predictable after a while. It has recently come to my attention that my relationship may come to an end like all my past experiences. After a couple months of dating, I get to know everything about that person, things I like and also dislike. There comes a point where I begin to have expectations for them and little things they do start to irritate me. My sarcasm becomes more “piercing” and puts them on the spot. Alike the song Twisted Love, “I would find mistakes in the lines of your face when you say my name, because when this ends I want someone to blame, Isn’t that twisted my love?” In my eyes, even when they are trying to make an effort, it is masked by their faults and as these faults add up, it is soon time to let them go… When I dedicate myself to seriously dating someone, I put in 110%. I will become the best that they have ever gotten and will be the one they will never forget. My goal is to raise their standard so high that anyone after will be a downgrade. So in general, if I were to leave, none of them could blame me for anything, I was the best that I could be and there’s only a couple of reasons why this two way street did not work out. Even so, I can’t help but cherish the good times, even when things are on average bad, I can’t seem to let go of someone like him. In his eyes, I am literally perfect, I surpassed his idea of an ideal girl, and I have done so many things that no other person he has dated ever did. I am the complete opposite compared to his previous relationships and so this is why he is struggling. I am a new experience, a positive experience, one that he said he would do whatever it takes to keep me. Emphasis on “said” though, not do… This is my struggle. The story that I keep pouring down my girl’s throat every time we talk. He did this and this, but then this happened and I guess we’re ok but ughh guess what he did this time… I would get sick if someone keeps nagging about how bad their relationship is yet still is with that person. I usually have no patience for those people, it comes off to me as weak… how they can’t just rip off the dead weight bandage, but here I am in this dilemma. Even my girl says, “If I was dating him, I would have dropped him long ago, I don’t have that type of time to waste.”
What to do… endless thoughts… such a twisted mind I have… I feel like a terrible person now. Am I ungrateful or are these signs of me loosing feeling?